10 things I learned by age 41

1. The highest concentration of MILFs per square mile in the Known Universe can be found at preschools between the hours of 7:30 and 8:30 AM.
2. The baby boomers haven't accomplished shit since the sixties ended, though you wouldn't know it because there are so many of them that the deafening sound of them collectively patting themselves on the back drowns out rational thought.
3. Married people actually do get more sex than single people no matter what the rumors and jokes say. People with little kids, however, are shit outta luck.
4. Winston Churchill, in point of fact, never made the comment "If you are not a liberal at twenty-five, you have no heart. If you are not a conservative by thirty-five you have no brains." A simple examination of his records shows that the exact opposite is true! He was a conservative at a young age, and had switched to the liberal party by the time he was thirty five.
5. There really is nothing more important in the world than your children, unless you're a jackass.
6. The fact that marijuana is illegal and cigarettes and alcohol seems just as stupid now as it did when I was young. The real reason pot is illegal, ladies and gentlemen, is that your elected representatives are afraid to touch the issue.
7. History will look back at how we treat gay people the same way we look back at the Jim Crow laws of the South in the early part of the 20th century, and they will shake their heads.
8. People under the age of twenty-two are all douchebags. No, we're not jealous. Trust me, the reason popular culture spends so much time reinforcing how cool you are is because adults like me have figured out that your segment of the population throws away their money faster and more easily than anybody else, and so they aggresively market lifestyle towards you. I mean seriously, who in their fucking right mind buys a six thousand dollar car and then spends ten thousand dollars over the next three years tricking it out?
9. It is an absolute crime that high schools will let people graduate without a full understanding of economic topics like balancing a checkbook, managing your credit score, and saving money. Home Economics needs to get rid of the "Betty Bakesale" reputation and become a required course.
10. Saying "If I knew then what I knew now" is completely useless unless you have a time machine.